When I said ‘relinquish all control’, life really was like ‘okay, as you wish.’
Sitting in the hospital anxiously awaiting an update
In the past 2 weeks since arriving in Bali, I have been sick at least 3 times, all of which had me bed-bound for days and one of the occasions, even visiting the hospital at midnight. Usually, my health is the least of my concerns (back home, I would hardly have any health-related issues to worry about). Here, it’s been the ONLY thing I’ve been consumed with.
I remember having the thought, as I was clenching my stomach in pain one of the evenings “why now? Why is this happening?”
I racked my brain trying to figure out why in the world these health issues had to happen while I was in another country, let alone ‘trying’ to live my best life.
Now, being on the other side of it (hopefully), it all started to make sense to me.
It suddenly did not feel like a coincidence that I was physically restricted from being able to do so much. I had to literally rely on the kindness of strangers and hospitality from unplanned and unexpected places to get through it all. As a result, the past two weeks has opened me up to new friendships and deep connections.
Not a single one of the people who extended their time and efforts to help me owed me anything. They had no reason to go out of their way to care for me, respond to my messages late at night, run errands with me and even take the time to make sure I was okay and healthy.
I experienced hospitality and warmth I’ve not experienced from strangers ever before. And this is isn’t just one person… its a thread of different individuals from different walks of life. From the gym, my AIRBNB villa host, a friend I made on a WhatsApp group…
All these people had no reason to extend such kindness to me. And they did not expect a return. It was unconditional.
At a time when I could barely help myself, the universe, God, filled my life with precious people who each showed me a way of life that was non-transactional. They selflessly served me out of the goodness of their hearts and showed me that at the end of the day- there is goodness inside all of us.
I had no idea that relinquishing control would look like 2 weeks of back to back health issues, but at the same time, it sort of makes sense now.
This is the epitome of surrender.
True vulnerability.
Not knowing where your help will come from or who you will encounter along the way. The only choice I had was to surrender and trust that I would be taken care of… and so I was.
As I close a chapter in Canggu and move up north towards Ubud, I have a sense that something there awaits me.
Something to do with “healing” (dont ask me why, but this word keeps presenting itself to me).
When I started out on this trip, I really didn’t know what ‘the surrender experiment’ wanted to teach me.
From where I stand right now, I can safely say that it’s got a lot to do with humility.
Comments