To come back to oneself again

For over 3 years now, I've been on a journey back home to myself.

Sprints of solo travel, taking up new and old hobbies, making new friends, pivoting businesses and changing where I live.

I can't help but feel, now at 28 years old that the path will just keep going. On and on and on...

I write this not because I haven't made any progress, nor do I believe it's because the journey has yielded no result. I write this because I feel like the more I rediscover of myself, the more there is to find.

The past month of September was the first time in my twenties that I truly felt things integrating. Like all the work I'd invested in myself and all the digging to discover my truths about life were finally starting to make sense. They were becoming embodied and I was becoming more of who I really am.

Then I got sick.

The thing about getting sick is that it's like a factory reset. Often times it's good because it serves as a reminder to slow down, be grateful for little things like good health and to experience sensations with more joy.

But for some reason, maybe due to Astrological timings or something like that- this time, the factory reset felt more than a reset.

It felt more like a jolt.

An earthquake.

A flipping-upside-down-and-disrupting-everything type of earthquake.

They say chaos and ruin are here to awaken new life. Like the eruption of a volcano may appear to destroy everything in it's wake, the aftermath is always new life.

So it makes me wonder, my once-again self-questioning, disorientation and disillusionment is climbing it's peak.

The Pattern app tells me it's the Full Moon in 4 days time, and it's time for me to question whether I've been "honouring my deep desires or suppressing them."

It asks me... "Are you connected to what you truly desire, or have you been repressing your Scorpio nature to seem more acceptable?"

With a Full Moon in Aries- the energy is asking me to "act on what I feel and to commit to what makes me feel alive."

Sheesh. Those are big questions. No wonder I feel a little overwhelmed.

And those questions remain unanswered for the meantime.

Until I'm brave enough to answer them.